Joe Bob Briggs, Take 2: The Briggining
Gobble gobble, Fright Fiends! In this edition of GT, Mr. Joe Bob & I dish on the upcoming “Dinners of Death“ marathon (airing Thanksgiving Night on Shudder!), and recap some of “The Last Drive In” craziness that’s gone down since our last chat.
Nicolas Cage, Panos Cosmatos, Linus Roach, and Kevin Smith talk about the awesomely batty Mandy at the Egyptian Theater in Ho-rrorweird, Karloffornia. Check it out, kreeps!
Even with hearts as black and desiccated as ours, we just LOOOOOOOOVE love! I mean, love is the inexorable force that drives and propels most horror stories! Without love, the Phantom of the Opera has no reason to stalk. the Mummy remains under wraps, and King Kong would never climb the Empire State Building. Love's created more movie monsters than black magic and mad science combined! It's the secret ingredient that turns a barbarous brute into a tragic figure. Monsters fall in love so very often, but they usually fail to find their love in the end. That makes for great macabre melodrama, and it has been a staple of the genre since the very beginning. Oh, Love, you creator of creeps!
With Valentine's Day upon us, we figured we'd pay tribute to love with five of our favorite romantic horror/monster movies. Because we don't want too be too sour in this time of sweethearts, we've even included one in which the creature gets the girl! Snuggle up next your boil or ghoul fiend, gorge on some delicious chocolate, and watch one of these mad love stories.
1. Beauty and the Beast (1946): Tale as old as time... and the skeleton of nearly every creature feature! You just can't talk about romantic monster stories without at least mentioning the fabulously fantastic French fable. Jean Cocteau's seminal retelling is pure cinematic bless, rich with indelible imagery and eerie elegance. It has influenced everything from Disney's Haunted Mansion attraction to the 2004 version of Phantom of the Opera. My! What a guy, that Cocteau!
2. The Abominable Dr. Phibes - "Love Means Never Having to Say You're Ugly" was the tagline for this blacker-than-coal comedy that marries Phantom of the Opera (another Phantom reference...) with a uniquely British sense of humour to excellent effect. Vincent Price plays a disfigured organist who seeks to avenge the death of his beloved by picking off the surgical team behind her ill-fated operation. Love is what motivates the good doctor, and his comic campaign of carnage makes for one of the greatest horror comedies of all time.
3. Bram Stoker's Dracula: The Bela Lugosi Dracula may have been released on Valentine's Day, but no version of the venerable vampire tale is more appropriate for the holiday than Francis Ford Coppola's take from 1992. Dracula was given a Mummy-esque romance with the reincarnation of a long-lost love. Dazzling filmic techniques and operatic theatrics are what gave this adaptation the fresh blood it needed. Recommended for love-suckers AND blood-suckers.
4. The Fly (1986): The gooiest love story ever told! David Cronenberg's celebrated remake of the 1958 sci-fi favorite is a heartbreaking romance... in which one of the lovers is quickly devolving into a hideous insect man. Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum's onscreen chemistry is absolutely superb, and it gives pathos to the magnificently morbid spectacle on display. Love is the deadliest pesticide of all!
5. The Shape of Water: Guillermo del Toro's Oscar-winning fairytale reimagines the Creature from the Black Lagoon (our Monster of the Month) as a storybook prince. Unlike just about every other creature feature, this drama actually ends rather happily. Doug Jones and Sally Hawkins are utterly bewitching as beauty and beast, Del Toro's direction is incredible, and it is as touching as a movie about a fish monster can be. And they called it "guppy love"...
6. The Phantom of the Opera (1925): There's a reason why we mentioned this in two of the previous entries: it's THE horror love story. It's one of the only classic terror tales that is as synonymous with romance as it is with fear. The Phantom himself is a darkly romantic figure who still captures the hearts of pop culture fans to this very day. As a special Valentine's gift to you crypt-kickers, we have the entire film here for your enjoyment! It's even better than chocolate!
'Tis the season, you marvellously morbid maniacs! Come on, it's lovely weather for a SLAY ride together with your fabulously festive fear-fiends at Kinky Ho-rror! Everyone's always dreamin' of a White Christmas, but we're givin' the season a nice, sanguine coat of RED! To temper the sweet with the sour, we've rummaged through the movie morgue to bring you five of the most shocking and disturbing murders committed to the screen... but with a cheery, christmassy flavor! Dip your sugar cookies in arsenic and follow us down Sandy Claws Lane for some holly-jolly homicide!
#1 Oh Deer! - Silent Night, Deadly Night
We start things off with a true cl-Ass-Sick: the antler impalement from Silent Night, Deadly Night. Scream Queen Linnea Quigley has an unexpected (and topless) encounter with Billy the psycho Santa and finds herself an unwilling participant in a reindeer game; Kreep Kringle shoves her right through the horns of a mounted deer head! It's lurid! It's outrageous! It's the kind of far-out slasher kill we dig the heck out of! This one's so iconic, it inspired a tree ornament (as well as the picture above)!
#2 Hide the Carrot - Jack Frost
Shannon Elizabeth has been in a good many movies, but we will always think of her as the woman in Jack Frost who got raped to death by a sinister snowman... yes, that happened.
Whilst Elizabeth's character is taking a bath, the cold-blooded killer materializes around her and... um, makes creative use of his carrot nose...
You just have to see it to believe it... click on the link below, Kinky Kreeps:
#3 The Flight Before Christmas - Gremlins
Who needs elves when you have gremlins? Despite being a "family film", Gremlins is chockablock with macabre spectacle and cartoonish carnage. In our favorite display of Ho-Ho-Ho-rror, the little buggers fiddle with the controls of a stair lift and send the wicked Mrs. Deagle crashing through a window. Hilarious and Ho-rrible, it's an absolute MONSTERpiece of comic creepery.
#4 When Worlds Collide - 976-EVIL 2
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Night of the Living Dead invaded It's a Wonderful Life?
Well, somebody sure did! In 976-EVIL 2, the two film favorites are conflated into one freaky Frankenstein of a flick. If you need proof that any film can be improved with addition of zombies, this clip is for you!
#5 The Glass Unicorn - Black Christmas (1974)
By far the most chilling kill on this list, the glass unicorn murder is simple perfection. Juxtaposing heavenly carols with hellish brutality, it's the kind of shock scene that would feel right at home in a giallo film. Of the scenes on this list, this is the one that's most likely to get under your skin.
Here it is, Ho-rror Ho-mies:
Big thanks to the fine folks at MasiMedia who got this shindig together, and also to Mr. Roger Jackson (pictured intro-ing a screening of the film in Stu's backyard!! :) who not only came out to party with us, but-t also left me this terrifying vm that I will treasure for the neXXXt billion centuries!! :) xoxo
The 2018 Dark Circus did NOT disappoint!! It was going to be hard to live up to what I had told people about last year's, but I'm happy to report another five out of five, upside down crosses for this year's festivities. Check out the video and see for yourself. :)
"I'll Sleep When You're Dead: Part 1 of 64"
Do you love cats, cards, gatling guns, and Norm MacDonald but don't have time to watch them all separately? My friend sensed this urgent need in the marketplace and vowed to fill it. So enjoy the long overdue, "I'll Sleep When You're Dead".
My Interview with Clint Freakin' Howard!!!
(nude Clint Howard and snow globes...need I say more?)
High History: Why I love Scream so much!
(remember to finish him)
This shit is legit.